I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
