His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
