drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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