Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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