dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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