I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs