Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

(661): View more from California

Truer words have never been spoken.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(850): View more from Florida

I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?

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(416): View more from Toronto

Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.

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(646): View more from New York

He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

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(619): View more from California

I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.

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