she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid