The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bring money and cleavage
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.