How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
