I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
