That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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