I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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