A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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