pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
