My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
