i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Boobs are out for the taking
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
