True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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