so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
