I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
