Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
