I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
