i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
