Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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