I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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