Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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