There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Randomize
