If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
