i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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