I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
