ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
