YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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