Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
