i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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