I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
