Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
