Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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