Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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