don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
