Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
