i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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