Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
