And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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