and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
