You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
