i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
