I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
