I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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