Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just forgot I was standing up.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
