I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
