My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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