I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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