quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
