Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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