morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize