Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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