Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
