Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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