We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
