As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
