Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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