Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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