I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
