He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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